For future searchers that find this thread; the pin part numbers provided in the turbomiata link above are for the NA, even though the thread starter there says he has an 04 NB, so I don't know what's going on there, even the plug in the pic is not what the 04 NB has.
The correct pin for the 04 NB ecu connector is 316836-1https://au.rs-online.com/web/p/crimp-contacts/7121867/I originally purchased the pins advised in the link and the small ones fit the connector but didn't click/lock in place. After a lot of head scratching
and nervously trying to fit them I gave up as obviously something was wrong. Now that I have the correct pins they slide right in and click in place. Thankfully no (or only minimal damage maybe) to the retainer lance. Talk about extreme anxiety for something so simple!
So if anyone needs pins for either NA or NB, I now have 48x of each model if someone needs some....